haha

lately I have felt like really talking to all of you. haha this sounds weird because of what I had said about Xenos previously, but do. I had a 14 page text written for tom, haha and I wrote letters to everyone. I am afraid I won’t send them because I think I have the wrong intentions. I think I just miss you guys because since I have been gone I think about Xenos a lot and I think of all you guys.  How guys were important to me for 5 years. I had like 87 more moms and brothers and sisters and mentors. thank you very much you guys.

five!

whoawhoawhoa. then what for him? I don’t know.

At our school we are like forced to worship our seniors. haha so there are always things going on for them. I don’t mind. They only want to be done with school to be together until they all go away and start their own lives. awe. that’s kind of sad. just bittersweet I suppose.

anyway, I have all of these grad parties to go to which I am excited for because I want to see happy people. haha.

today is my friend Dylan’s birthday. He’s great. I think I’ve written about him before.

summer is almost here!! enjoy your sunday guys. nice seeing you all yesterday

I have been going to a new church with my friends from track. It’s pretty cool but I want more depth in the word there.

I joined track and I did distance running. It was crazy fun. I loved it.

As you guys know, my dad moved out.

Two Fridays ago,  my mom picked me up at school and I asked her why she was there. It was only about 4:30. She told me she has gotten fired.

I asked why and she said it was because her company couldn’t keep many employees.

The governor cut funding for the counseling of sex offenders so her work had to make some cuts. She was one of the cuts they made.

That really sucked.

My dad doesn’t give us hardly any money and my brother has bills to pay for himself anyway.

So where does that leave me?

Stranded. I just don’t know what to do. I pray for everything.

Maybe it’s good that my mom lost her job in that way. It has drawn me closer to God.

[by the way, about 3 seconds before I left for church, I was brushing my teeth and I leaned over to throw away a tissue and my phone dropped in my sink. I quickly flipped it out and it went right into my toilet. I picked it up, took out the battery, and shook out some of the water. I was so upset because my mom can't afford to get me a phone. I knew she would be mad and I felt like I was trying to swallow a rock while crossing the desert. I walked to my friend Billy's house so we could go to church. He told me that it might work if I let it dry out. I set it out for 2 days. Nothing. I was feeling absolutely terrible. Then at track my friend Lindsay told me to try charging it. I plugged it in and in the morning and I looked at it, and it was on!!! The worst part was that the buttons were functioning improperly  meaning I could no longer support my texting addiction!! Oh no.. that couldn't work.That and I could dial any phone numbers of get to my voice mail. So my mom took me to the bank and we cashed in savings bonds that my grandparents have given me on my birthday and Christmas each year. I took some money from that and bought the phone I have now. It's actually really cool but chances are, I don't have your number in there so if you want to give it to me, thanks. haha.]

Well anyway, I have a friend named Sarah. This is her:

and she was dating this kid named Billy. You know the guy I mentioned earlier.

This is him:

ha he looks like a goof

She was all about these other guys and she decided to break up with Billy to be fair.

I thought that was a bad idea because they were really cool together.

But whatever.

We were friends for a while so we talked a little about it. He somehow became really close to me. I kind of hate high school because this won’t be the only time this happens.

We talked all the time. I even waxed his legs? ha ha

But now he is back together with Sarah and she says that she doesn’t like anyone except Billy. I hope that’s true because Billy really likes Sarah.

idk.

That sucks but it’s best.

you know?

I kind of had this crush on this boy named Patrick. I prayed for him once @ a prayer meeting.

That was when I just met him.

The problem is: Ivy Danielle and Admira like him. And some freshman.

ha.

Danielle is so unpredictable so she was edgy toward me. Ivy (you guys remember her?)

She likes him a lot but it afraid to go for it!

Admira. yeah..

I knew that if I became friends with him, Ivy would get upset so I didn’t talk to him.

Now I spend a lot of time with him at the track and at invitationals and he is actually a pretty cool guy and I think he would like Ivy if he had a clue she liked him.

ha that’s not my business and as much as I want to, I will not attempt to instigate anything. mah : ( ha

My brothers principle/my 8th grade history teacher called me to his office and gave me some papers. the last time I wrote was about that conference. Well this is another one but this time it will be a little different.

I was allowed to invite 3 people.

I chose:

Dylan my Golden Boy. ha

a sprinter named Larissa

and Patrick (the controversial boy that everyone likes)

I don’t know if that was a good idea?

We’ll see. I also made a good friend. I have a friend named Jordan and she is dating a thrower named Alex. He walked into my life when I needed him most. ha I have been praying for a friend and it turns out he was exactly what I needed. Good stuff. Thank you God!

Steve called and asked if I wanted to hang out. I said,”Uh of course!” He came and picked me up with Spencer. We met with Marcus at Rico Latte. We sat in the conference room with coffee and they argued abortion. Steve obviously made more sense. ha. We were almost home when Marcus called and said his car wouldn’t start. So we picked him up and drove him to his house. ha And then I found five dollars…get it Adi? Anele?

I don’t really expect anyone to read this, but this is what I have been up to.

I planned this assembly with Mr. Sebastian to have a man named Nobby come speak to our school. Yeah his name is actually Norbert…both sound weird ha.

He is this man with a stutter but he is So fun!! He came to a conference I went to and I loved it. He made everyone sing Frank Sinatra and sometimes he stutters on for about 30 seconds.

aha

Now I am going to prom with Josh. I was at the Gilmour Academy for a track invitational at the time. I was standing with Patrick, Alex, and some other guys when my phone rang. I knew the number but I really couldn’t think of who it was. I didn’t have the old numbers in my new phone yet. I answered and it was Mike! Ah I miss hearing Mike talk and laugh. I know that sounds creepy but really it’s weird not talking to him. Then I was kind of confused and I couldn’t hear much. Then it was Doddsy and he asked. How could I say no?

ha I was excited.

After that I went with the thrower guys to get some wings.

(Mike - get this: I ate food…whoaa! ha)

but I couldn’t finish it. By the way, I can’t even finish a happy meal..

Later that night I walked to Drug Mart and bought 4 1/2 bars of my favorite chocolate. There was a sale 4/$5. I went there with $6 and left with $5. I thought uhhh wtf?!

I gave her $1 and neither of us caught it!!  I thanked God because I used it for something else. I still feel a little dishonest. The cashier was someone I knew and I asked her but she said it was okay. soo, what happened? Her drawer was balanced?

It was but idkkk.

I feel lately that I am going back to 9th grade. Like in the final scene of Dazed and Confused listening to Foghat on your bed. My 9th grade year was like that. ha

I don’t do that anymore, but it seems that the music I listened to then is becoming more appealing. What’s up with that?

Ah and this health speaker came in and talked about depression and suicide. I knew my dad and brother were depressed and my mom wasn’t. I was dumb and though since she wasn’t, I wouldn’t be either. I wouldn’t be unstable like my dad or brother. As this lady spoke she said exactly how I have been feeling since 8th grade.

I know there’s the sophomore slump and dumb stuff like chemicals in my brain messing with me but it still feels wrong. I am eating less and less and I can’t think right anymore. This blog is the most clear thing I’ve written in a while. ha my research paper isn’t looking so well.

I think I am depressed. I must be. My mom doesn’t think I am but I don’t know what else it could be besides that?

Our house is up for sale and moving sounds so good to me. I cry sometimes thinking of it. I will be so happy living with my mom and grandparents. In a new city where seasonal depression isn’t as common. ha.

Where I can track sand into my house instead of snow.

I can wear shorts all the time and play soccer in December.

I could do that here but I would get different results.

I want to go there. I wish I were there now. I pray everyday that someone will buy our house so I can leave and start over. I want it so badly.

Zachary’s grad party is in June. I am so proud of him. I can’t wait to see him in his cap and gown. I’m going to cry and I will be at Stephen’s graduation ceremony as well. And Richards. I have so much admiration for them. They don’t make the best choices all the time but they are so smart. They are charming young fellows. ha ha ha! haha

I wish I could give a speech at all three of their ceremonies. I am crying now thinking of how happy they’ll be. How happy will I be? Will I be happy?

Then their all night parties. I want to be there. I want to celebrate with them. I want them to know that I am happy for them and I am so proud of them. All of you high school guys, congratulations.  I don’t know how tell you that I wish I were you, you guys have good years ahead of you. Stay together : )

I must admit I am jealous of Stephen Richard and Zach. They have great friends to graduate with and they have each other.

Who will I have? When I am in Florida I will have to make a new friend. Will my senior year be as special as if I would have spent it at the Falls?

Oh screw it, I don’t have many close friends. I care too much about everyone’s feelings than my own to befriend one single person too closely.

Though I am getting better.

Adi do you remember when I told you I don’t let anyone in because I constantly get burned?

I let Billy in because I know that blocking people out is no good. Billy burned me so bad. Like fire.

I don’t know now, I don’t want to let anyone in ever. That is going to ruin my senior year.

What if I don’t even have one?

shelly was there! that was cool.

I had to introduce Rosalind Wiseman.

oh wow. I was nervous.

It wasn’t so bad.

I got to see Jon and Mike. (they aren’t the Jon and Mike you are thinking of.)

I met them in December and I was glad to talk with them again

Foster went with us. She is amazing.

I hope to be her student aid. EVEN THOUGH - She has a snake in her room :(((((

Okay, so why I am sad.

Pat didn’t come.

and

My brother’s ex-girlfriend Gina took a naked picture of herself (bad move) and sent it to someone. Now everyone has it. I got the message but I deleted it.. I didn’t open it, because I don’t want to see naked people!!!

what sucks is that everyone thinks she is “sexy” so the boys  sent it to every boy alive.

grr. Gina made a a bad mistake, and everyone has seen her naked now!

lame.

it makes me sad because I don’t want Gina to act that way, idk.

I went to Musica tonight with my friend Jessica. She goes to a church with a youth group. ha. well yeah..

There are two seniors there from Hudson named Ethan and Keith.

They are so awesome. I love hanging out with them.

Anywayyy. they are in a band named “Karta Stella.” If you have taken Latin, then you should know that it means “Paper Stars.”

They play mostly funk, so going to any of their shows is fun and crazy.

Oh! Well, I might as well let you listen to them:

www.myspace.com/kartastella

So we packed into the church van and drove down to AK.

We walked into the nearly hidden building with metal furniture placed outside.

My immediate reaction was to smile because the interior reminded me of Jimmy’s.

For everyone (I say everyone because there are very fews Falls people in Xenos)

Jimmy’s Cafe is off of State Rd. in the Falls. It is near Kyle’s old Taco Bell if you’re familiar. with the area.

It has rich colors and artwork hanging. There are different styles of chairs with plastic fruit around everywhere. haha. For some reason it seemed so welcoming to me.

I laced arms with Jessica and turned the corner. I heard some rock music playing and I saw a little stage. It was carpeted in red and had a wooden dance floor in front of it.

There were small booths and high tables. To maybe get a picture in your mind, think of an artsy, contemporary version of Applebees. I laughed when I saw that there was a V.I.P. table.

I had a conversation with the man who gave us our wristbands.

He wasn’t much older than my brother it seemed. He was so chilled and complacent that he could have lived there.

After about a minute of talking, I swear we conversed forever (haha) I walked in and saw Ethan and his afro! (and beard..) he told me that he was dedicating his song “Going to Florida” to me. I was excitedd.

Who wouldn’t be?

Hang on, let me get you a picture of Ethan. He’s a crazy nut.

that's ethan, jono, and keith

okay, so a band named Junkyard Rukkus played. I was so worried they would suck, but they were amazing.

They made me think The Black Keys and Jimi Hendrix birthed a band, and they were it.

They played the killing floor and it was sweet.

The next band was Karta Stella and of course they were good. Ethan is so crazy when he plays. He makes it so fun. Plus Jono played Victor Wooten. You can’t go wrong.

In between the bands, they played music. As I sat in the middle of Jessica and Z, I began to cry because of a song that came on. I have no idea who it is by or what it is called, but it was so good. Like amazing. Okay, if it brought tears to my eyes, do you understand that I liked it? haha

I became so entranced in the song.

I don’t know why but it was so awwweeessssome.

I walked up to that guy I told you about, that I talked with earlier.

I said, “Hey, who controls the music playing?”

“Me.”

“What was the name of the song just playing?”

(this is why I am crying now is because he made a mistake.)

“It’s called gjrskjgrsjrs” (I don’t know what he said.)

“And it’s by my band.”

I was kind of excited and I wanted to cry more because I met the guy who made the world’s greatest song!

So he handed me a CD. All of you Stow High people will know this band…

maid myriad!

I was like “hey! I know you guys, I am going to the Stow BOTB this year.”

“Yes, we’re from Stow!”

we were talking like little 3rd grade girls. I don’t know why, but I was happy so who cares…

“I know. I am from the Falls.”

“Well then, see you there!”

blah blah, I don’t remember much else. I just knew that I had the most valuable CD I would ever own. So dude, I was psyched. Plus my ears were ringing form Karta Stella. Ethan’s voice is loud.. I thanked him like 1,000 times and walked back.

(He was wrong, he thought I was asking him about the song currently playing. But he was sincere to me after I told him that I loved it. ha)

The next band was Hey Sandy. First of all, the singer is freaking adorable. He was wearing a button up and I thought they might be a screamo band. I wasn’t looking forward to them playing. Then a man with a saxophone jumped on stage. I became interested. The members of this band looked so odd. Their music…was fantastic. However, I have been listening to it online and live is much better.

their myspace is…

www.myspace.com/heysandy or heysandy.net

oh you know this probably but

www.myspace.com/maidmyriad or maidmyriad.com

I watched them play and the saxophone was an excellent edition to their music! Not the mention the singer was so involved. Like so energetic because he was the music? I can’t describe it, but he acted so much like the music he created. So sweet.

I have a cousin named Eric who teaches at the Chapel..

He kind of reminded me of him. Eric was once a musician. They kind of looked the same, but not really. haha.

The only reason I wrote this was to say that I am depressed that I won’t hear that song again. Unless I hunt down that Maid Myriad guy. Which would be so weird. That song though.

There was once an episode of Pete and Pete. Where Little Pete is walking and he hears an awesome song. He finds that it is coming from a garage band in his neighborhood. He loves the song. The band stops practicing and he never hears the song again. He eventually sits on his roof with the best radio he can find. Of course this wouldn’t happen, but he picks up a station that has the song and he hears it.

I find this situation to be so ironic. I was just thinking of this episode a few days ago. I thought, I haven’t heard any really sweet songs lately. I don’t know how I remember that show all of the sudden either…Then, this happened. I thought of that episode specifically, then it happened to me. ha. I was never a fan of irony.

So right now, and probably for a few days, that song will be in the back of my mind, I don’t know any of the words, yet it will play knowing I will never hear it again.

For those of you who have never met them:

my grandparents this summer

Okay well, my family traveled to their Florida home right before I turned seven. I took my first plane ride there. At my party (located in AMAZING Florida ha), I received a lot of cool things. Well, I decorated notebook and stuffed animals were cool to me then…haha We all have to go home sometime, so we said our goodbyes and headed for the airport. My mom and I walked into the airport bathroom. I left without realizing I left my notebook and wallet there!

A similar situation happened once at an Indians game. I had this really ugly blue jacket. You know, I wore the ugliest clothing when I was younger. I think a lot of kids did. Well, I was at the game with my dad and it was a few days before my 6th birthday. Well I took my jacket off at the game. My dad hates being in traffic so we left a little early. Halfway out of the stadium I realized I left my jacket in my seat! I looked up and all of the sudden, it fell into my hands! I saw the people we sat next to at the game, I smiled and waved and left. I was reunited with my coat. Back when my dad was spiritually active, he told me to pray for them for God to bless them. My mom recently told me that with B.

Once I found an iPod in the hallway. I had an iPod just like it. I really liked mine. I picked up the iPod and took it to the office. My friend told me a few days later that he lost his iPod. I said,”JT! I found it!” His face was priceless. I couldn’t forget it if I tried. I walked him to the office and he claimed his iPod. Well, maybe a month or so after the reunification, my iPod was stolen. I thought it could show up. I mean, I gave someone theirs, someone should give me mine…

I gave up on it ever being returned. I was never mad it was stolen. It was my fault I brought it to school. My mom told me not to take it to school because someone can steal it. But just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. I don’t know. Whoever has it now, I hope they are happy with it, because I am happy with my mp3 player now.

Okay so to get to the point. I was in Canada this summer. I was scheduled to return on my birthday. (July 17th) I went to the French River which is above the Great Lakes. One of my best friends owns an island on the river. Shelby, some of you know her. Anyway, the island is called Powers Island, and it has been in their family for over 70 years. It was really nice. For better word for it would be beautiful. Every year she travels there with her family. they stay for maybe two weeks, then go home. The fews day I spent there were amazing. It was a lot of intentional bug killing, tubing, bathing in the river, playing cards, eating steaks, and looking at the vast night sky, which only displayed stars. There were no other lights, save our flashlights so we could see water snakes approaching. (SCARY)

The noises of the night finally overcame my fondness of the night sky and I went to bed most nights. On one night, there was a storm which was conveniently in view from the large glass windows facing the water. I liked that.

(by the way I was afraid of the river because of it’s width. And its depth. So I went tubing there for the first time, and Shelby’s sister and I were on the tube, and I fell off. I was right in the middle of the river. I had to float there for a minute time until they came back for me. I don’t think I have ever prayed more in those few moments.)

Before I left for Canada I was feeling pretty down. My friends were busy with sports and marching band. For a few weeks, I slept like 14 hours everyday. I could have changed that but I chose the wrong way and wallowed.

I became homesick for whatever reason. Mr. Stokich came to bring up Eddy (Shelby’s brother) who would have driven with us, but in a baseball tournament prior to the trip. I chose to drive home with him.

And what did I do as soon as we got onto the Peace Bridge? I turned on my phone and sent text messages to my friends, haha.

We stopped at a rest stop which if you have ever been to Canada I am almost positive you have been to this place. I went into the bathroom. I opened the door and I saw a wallet on the tampon box (sorry boys who are reading this if you don’t like hearing about that)

I put it in my pocket and walked out. I glanced around to see if I could maybe see a little girl. Let me tell you a little about. Girls, you all had one when you were eight. ha It was thick, blue with red edges. It has a furry white cat on it playing guitar. There were fake diamonds glued on the edges of the cat.

I saw no one. I got into the car and looked in it. I didn’t take anything, but I found an ID card. The owner was named Amanda. What do you know! She lived in Ohio. I know she was going home from Canada because the coin purse part had only Canadian money.

I told my mom we had to mail it to her. I asked her to remember when I lost my wallet in an airport bathroom. She bought a packet with a bubble wrap lining. ha. It took a long time to actually mail because I always forgot about it. I wrote a simple letter to Amanda saying,”Keep an eye on your stuff!” haha I mailed it maybe three weeks ago.

Late last week I received a letter. It came from Eaton, Ohio. I knew it was Amanda. I would have rather left my address off of the letter. I didn’t. I opened the letter and she wrote me telling me that she is nine now and she was in Canada for vacation. Her mom wrote on the bottom saying how great it was for me to mail it. She said she bought her another wallet because she didn’t think she would ever get it back. After many thanks, her mom said that I was one of a kind. And she also wrote “pay it forward.”

Which I believe the laptop I am on now is something in occurrence of this event. How cool.

What was my favorite part of this was how everything worked perfectly. you know?

Only because I love Lord of the Rings.

bagggg end

Before that I stayed with my uncle and his family. Stephen and Spencer were like roommates to my brother and I. We stayed with them because we moved out of our old house before the people in our new house moved.

So I spent three weeks in the wonderful House of Krause. What an adventure. Spencer and I spent every moment together. I didn’t care what I looked like. I was 11 and life was good. We played video games, swam, ran around the backyard, and played football. It was nice

One event sent me back to Earth. Spencer had left for a weekend long camping trip with his friend. I stayed to myself a while. My dad went to the store to get new car speakers.

My mom, my brother, and Stephen accompanied him.

To pass the time, my grandma and I sat on the deck and drank lemonade. Even at age 11 we discussed politics and world issues. (that is my way of bonding with her. I love every second.)

Then I heard a disgusting noise. I ran around the house to see the Krause’s dog, Jack curled up in the road. I ran into the street and saw blood pooled around him, but on his face was a smile. That made me scream. Every one in the family was there. Chris (my uncle) picked him up and buried him.

We all sat in silence.

That made me anxious to move to my house.

Spencer came home to the bad news.

Members of Xenos came with trucks and moved everything to our house it what seemed like minutes. Amazing!

It took a while to get settled, but I was ready to be home.

I hated my house! My room was so small (dude…9 x

and it didn’t possess the potential hiding places for hide and go seek.

It’s been a little over three years now.

The Krause family has gotten two mischievous Boston babies.

I moved to a bigger room, and have grown out of hide and go seek.

I know where all of the floors creak, the sound the cupboards make when they close, and the exact settings for the perfect shower.

I swear my bed is the only place to sleep good.

My couch has healing powers, and the stairs have always been there for me to trip up/down!

So going to FLA, I will live with my grandparents for few months, then I will move into a new home. Starting over. Kind of exciting. Kind of sad.

(by the way, you will read all the writing I do as if I were thinking out loud…you’ll see)

I rushed and rushed. My beloved language arts teacher Mrs. Rogers said she planned to have a five paragraph essay on the exam.

seriously:

• why is it that Cuy. Falls is the only place that calls English “language arts?”

• At Falls, the teachers all try to give us as little of an education as they can handle…ridiculous..

We have an hour of homeroom in between exams. (I wonder if Stow has that…)

That whole hour I went over my notes. For some reason we were only tested over transcendentalism. Which I think is a pretty cool subject. Anyway, I missed a lot of school this quarter, and most topics of that class I was MIA for.

I got into class, I turned off my mp3 player. But not without listening to the acoustic version of Sublime’s “Garden Grove.”

I felt I didn’t know anything! I prayed for an open mind. I recently learned along with most of you how to pray powerfully.

(which reminds me of Terry talking about the first rib cook-off.) wonderful.

The closest friend I have anywhere, Walter, gave me skeptical looks and made fun of me after he found out I was praying. =(

But you know, the exam wasn’t so bad after all. The essay was simple, and we interpreted lyrics from Pink Floyd, Bon Jovi, and Dave Matthews!

What an answer to prayer.

Ironically enough, thee Pink Floyd song was “Time.” and right now I am making a connection to a Joyce Meyer book I am reading…

which I won’t explain because I haven’t fully thought it out yet..

This was nothing, but I feel better.