Sam and her Blog

hey everyone, I haven’t kept up much on my blog and I’m sorry.

I have been going to a new church with my friends from track. It’s pretty cool but I want more depth in the word there.

I joined track and I did distance running. It was crazy fun. I loved it.

As you guys know, my dad moved out.

Two Fridays ago,  my mom picked me up at school and I asked her why she was there. It was only about 4:30. She told me she has gotten fired.

I asked why and she said it was because her company couldn’t keep many employees.

The governor cut funding for the counseling of sex offenders so her work had to make some cuts. She was one of the cuts they made.

That really sucked.

My dad doesn’t give us hardly any money and my brother has bills to pay for himself anyway.

So where does that leave me?

Stranded. I just don’t know what to do. I pray for everything.

Maybe it’s good that my mom lost her job in that way. It has drawn me closer to God.

[by the way, about 3 seconds before I left for church, I was brushing my teeth and I leaned over to throw away a tissue and my phone dropped in my sink. I quickly flipped it out and it went right into my toilet. I picked it up, took out the battery, and shook out some of the water. I was so upset because my mom can't afford to get me a phone. I knew she would be mad and I felt like I was trying to swallow a rock while crossing the desert. I walked to my friend Billy's house so we could go to church. He told me that it might work if I let it dry out. I set it out for 2 days. Nothing. I was feeling absolutely terrible. Then at track my friend Lindsay told me to try charging it. I plugged it in and in the morning and I looked at it, and it was on!!! The worst part was that the buttons were functioning improperly  meaning I could no longer support my texting addiction!! Oh no.. that couldn't work.That and I could dial any phone numbers of get to my voice mail. So my mom took me to the bank and we cashed in savings bonds that my grandparents have given me on my birthday and Christmas each year. I took some money from that and bought the phone I have now. It's actually really cool but chances are, I don't have your number in there so if you want to give it to me, thanks. haha.]

Well anyway, I have a friend named Sarah. This is her:

and she was dating this kid named Billy. You know the guy I mentioned earlier.

This is him:

ha he looks like a goof

She was all about these other guys and she decided to break up with Billy to be fair.

I thought that was a bad idea because they were really cool together.

But whatever.

We were friends for a while so we talked a little about it. He somehow became really close to me. I kind of hate high school because this won’t be the only time this happens.

We talked all the time. I even waxed his legs? ha ha

But now he is back together with Sarah and she says that she doesn’t like anyone except Billy. I hope that’s true because Billy really likes Sarah.

idk.

That sucks but it’s best.

you know?

I kind of had this crush on this boy named Patrick. I prayed for him once @ a prayer meeting.

That was when I just met him.

The problem is: Ivy Danielle and Admira like him. And some freshman.

ha.

Danielle is so unpredictable so she was edgy toward me. Ivy (you guys remember her?)

She likes him a lot but it afraid to go for it!

Admira. yeah..

I knew that if I became friends with him, Ivy would get upset so I didn’t talk to him.

Now I spend a lot of time with him at the track and at invitationals and he is actually a pretty cool guy and I think he would like Ivy if he had a clue she liked him.

ha that’s not my business and as much as I want to, I will not attempt to instigate anything. mah : ( ha

My brothers principle/my 8th grade history teacher called me to his office and gave me some papers. the last time I wrote was about that conference. Well this is another one but this time it will be a little different.

I was allowed to invite 3 people.

I chose:

Dylan my Golden Boy. ha

a sprinter named Larissa

and Patrick (the controversial boy that everyone likes)

I don’t know if that was a good idea?

We’ll see. I also made a good friend. I have a friend named Jordan and she is dating a thrower named Alex. He walked into my life when I needed him most. ha I have been praying for a friend and it turns out he was exactly what I needed. Good stuff. Thank you God!

Steve called and asked if I wanted to hang out. I said,”Uh of course!” He came and picked me up with Spencer. We met with Marcus at Rico Latte. We sat in the conference room with coffee and they argued abortion. Steve obviously made more sense. ha. We were almost home when Marcus called and said his car wouldn’t start. So we picked him up and drove him to his house. ha And then I found five dollars…get it Adi? Anele?

I don’t really expect anyone to read this, but this is what I have been up to.

I planned this assembly with Mr. Sebastian to have a man named Nobby come speak to our school. Yeah his name is actually Norbert…both sound weird ha.

He is this man with a stutter but he is So fun!! He came to a conference I went to and I loved it. He made everyone sing Frank Sinatra and sometimes he stutters on for about 30 seconds.

aha

Now I am going to prom with Josh. I was at the Gilmour Academy for a track invitational at the time. I was standing with Patrick, Alex, and some other guys when my phone rang. I knew the number but I really couldn’t think of who it was. I didn’t have the old numbers in my new phone yet. I answered and it was Mike! Ah I miss hearing Mike talk and laugh. I know that sounds creepy but really it’s weird not talking to him. Then I was kind of confused and I couldn’t hear much. Then it was Doddsy and he asked. How could I say no?

ha I was excited.

After that I went with the thrower guys to get some wings.

(Mike - get this: I ate food…whoaa! ha)

but I couldn’t finish it. By the way, I can’t even finish a happy meal..

Later that night I walked to Drug Mart and bought 4 1/2 bars of my favorite chocolate. There was a sale 4/$5. I went there with $6 and left with $5. I thought uhhh wtf?!

I gave her $1 and neither of us caught it!!  I thanked God because I used it for something else. I still feel a little dishonest. The cashier was someone I knew and I asked her but she said it was okay. soo, what happened? Her drawer was balanced?

It was but idkkk.

I feel lately that I am going back to 9th grade. Like in the final scene of Dazed and Confused listening to Foghat on your bed. My 9th grade year was like that. ha

I don’t do that anymore, but it seems that the music I listened to then is becoming more appealing. What’s up with that?

Ah and this health speaker came in and talked about depression and suicide. I knew my dad and brother were depressed and my mom wasn’t. I was dumb and though since she wasn’t, I wouldn’t be either. I wouldn’t be unstable like my dad or brother. As this lady spoke she said exactly how I have been feeling since 8th grade.

I know there’s the sophomore slump and dumb stuff like chemicals in my brain messing with me but it still feels wrong. I am eating less and less and I can’t think right anymore. This blog is the most clear thing I’ve written in a while. ha my research paper isn’t looking so well.

I think I am depressed. I must be. My mom doesn’t think I am but I don’t know what else it could be besides that?

Our house is up for sale and moving sounds so good to me. I cry sometimes thinking of it. I will be so happy living with my mom and grandparents. In a new city where seasonal depression isn’t as common. ha.

Where I can track sand into my house instead of snow.

I can wear shorts all the time and play soccer in December.

I could do that here but I would get different results.

I want to go there. I wish I were there now. I pray everyday that someone will buy our house so I can leave and start over. I want it so badly.

Zachary’s grad party is in June. I am so proud of him. I can’t wait to see him in his cap and gown. I’m going to cry and I will be at Stephen’s graduation ceremony as well. And Richards. I have so much admiration for them. They don’t make the best choices all the time but they are so smart. They are charming young fellows. ha ha ha! haha

I wish I could give a speech at all three of their ceremonies. I am crying now thinking of how happy they’ll be. How happy will I be? Will I be happy?

Then their all night parties. I want to be there. I want to celebrate with them. I want them to know that I am happy for them and I am so proud of them. All of you high school guys, congratulations.  I don’t know how tell you that I wish I were you, you guys have good years ahead of you. Stay together : )

I must admit I am jealous of Stephen Richard and Zach. They have great friends to graduate with and they have each other.

Who will I have? When I am in Florida I will have to make a new friend. Will my senior year be as special as if I would have spent it at the Falls?

Oh screw it, I don’t have many close friends. I care too much about everyone’s feelings than my own to befriend one single person too closely.

Though I am getting better.

Adi do you remember when I told you I don’t let anyone in because I constantly get burned?

I let Billy in because I know that blocking people out is no good. Billy burned me so bad. Like fire.

I don’t know now, I don’t want to let anyone in ever. That is going to ruin my senior year.

What if I don’t even have one?